To Foil Haru Okumura's Evil Schemes
by RoaringTurtle
Summary: Ren doesn't trust the newest member of the Phantom Thieves, and when she targets his best friend, he does his best to stop her. Alternatively: Haru and Ryuji fall in love and Ren is completely oblivious.


Ren liked his friends. Sure, they all had their faults, but they were all good people on the inside. Ryuji could be loud and aggressive, but he always had his friends backs. Morgana might have be childish, but he was always thinking in the Phantom Thieves' best interest. Ann might be an air-head, but she was cheery and wouldn't swayed by rumors. Yusuke tended to be stubborn, but it was just because he is so passionate about art. Makoto could be a nag, but it was always out of genuine concern. And Futaba might not understand tact if it hit her in the face, but was extremely enthusiastic about the things and people she liked.

And it wasn't just his teammates, Ren also considered the people he met in Tokyo to help him with his phantom thievery as genuinely good and kind people, even if he had an antagonistic first meeting with a lot of them. (Hifumi refused to talk to him until he was charming enough, Ms. Kawakami was thrilled for him to find out about her second job, Mishima was initially one of Kamoshida's lackeys, etc.) Also, how did they all figure out he was a phantom thief? He wasn't Ryuji, who basically needed constant supervision to make sure he didn't spill their secret.

But there was one notable exception: Goro Akechi.

Something about him just made Ren nervous. Maybe it was his politeness, that felt forced, fake even. Maybe it was because he called Ren and his friends criminals. Maybe it was because Ren was pretty sure Akechi heard Morgana, which is only possible if you were in the Metaverse, and the only other known Metaverse user was the Black Mask, who caused the mental shutdowns, making Ren suspect they were the same person. Ren had narrowed it down to those few options.

Either way, Akechi was on his shit list.

And this wasn't a normal hate, it dug deeper, and seeped into his unconsciousness. It got so bad, that Ren began to dislike things he associated with Akechi. For instance, Pancakes suddenly tasted bland to him. He also hated bastards and orphans once Akechi told his unprompted backstory. (He even had to delete the Hamilton playlist on his phone. And this took place in 2016, when it was popular!) But most of all, Ren irrationally distrusted those who hide behind a polite facade.

Unfortunately for Ren, the newest member of the Phantom Thieves was exactly that.

Haru Okumura was the kind of person to add honorifics to her friends names, even though they all called each other by their first names. She was the kind of person to apologize when someone bumped into her. She was the kind of person who had the school unlock the roof so she could garden there, and then not shoo away the two delinquents who decided to make the roof their Phantom Thief meeting place (Ren was a little sorry about that). Ren had to wonder what was behind that polite smile.

So when the rest of the Phantom Thieves welcomed her with open arms, Ren was ever vigilant. But Ren could only watch in dismay as she made Makoto into her first friend her own age. He could do nothing as his pseudo sister grew more and more attached to this untrustworthy person. And try as he might, Yusuke took one of her plants home in her attempt to get him to eat.

So deceitful, how could she live with herself?

It seemed like no one else would question her loyalty, so it was up to Ren. Fortunately, Ren had maxed out his Knowledge and Proficiency stats, so he caught those little details others missed. Ren saw how, despite her tiny frame, she managed to carry 30 kg bags of fertilizer. There was also that one time she mentioned how shadows could be cute (Have you seen Mara?), which shows that she sympathizes with the enemy! Also she might be a sadist, but he was pretty sure everyone caught that.

But Ren was mostly fine with Haru, if a little paranoid, as long as she didn't jeopardize the mission. It would have been fine if she had joined them in taking down her father, and maybe donate a few hundred thousand yen for the Phantom Thieves funding (Weapons are expensive), but she made it personal.

She was after his best friend.

Ren saw how Haru would chat with Ryuji when he benched them in the palace since Physical attacks weren't doing much against this one shadow. Ren wondered why she didn't go to her new best friend Makoto. The more he looked, the more he saw that she would gravitate to Ryuji when there was nothing else to do. He also noticed how her eyes would be drawn to Ryuji in their downtime.

After their near death experience in Kamoshida's Castle, Ryuji and Ren had formed an unbreakable bond. After all, who else would dare Ren to do a back flip in the middle of the subway car? (He had Max Proficiency so it wasn't too hard) Ren needed someone to play alone with his incorrect pronunciation of "watermelon" (what·er·meh·looone) was correct to bother Makoto, who for some reason got really irritated by it? Whose manga would he steal when he forgot to buy this week's? Well, maybe Futaba, but he was pretty sure she collected only the most fucked up ones just to unnerve him. Ryuji has good taste though.

Anyways, the point is, the two of them were brothers, and Ren couldn't let her have her way.

What happened, anyways? Ren was sure that Ryuji kept his distance from Haru once he realized that she was a sadist. Besides, Ren didn't think they had much in common. He might look tough, but the guy was a Mama's Boy, for crying out loud! he should have nothing to do with that wolf in sheep's clothing. What could possibly cause the two to start giggling in the backseat of the Monamobile while he was driving.

In fact, the combination would be strange for most who saw the two. What was a demure heiress doing with a vulgar delinquent? Ren was determined to solve this mystery. (Not like a detective though, since he detested those now).

He didn't know why Haru had decided to go after Ryuji, maybe it was because she thought Ryuji was stupid (He might be a bit loud and speaks before he thinks, but he isn't that dumb) or the weakest link or something, but Ren would insure it that whatever her plan was would be foiled.

The first stage was to gather information, so Ren attempted to use the skills he acquired in the Metaverse to spy on Haru gardening on the roof, but she must have used the skills she obtained as a Phantom Thief and found him pretty quickly. That was an awkward conversation. On the bright side, Ren learned how to check a soil's pH value and promised to bring some coffee grounds from Leblanc next time because they help keep away pests. Infiltration Complete, he told himself, since it wasn't a total failure.

Ren also kept tabs on Ryuji when they went to train or get beef bowls, just to make sure she hadn't replaced him with a fake. Fortunately, the blonde was his usual straightforward self, complaining about shitty adults or loudly telling stranger about how he was a phantom thief. Never change, Ryuji.

But despite Ren's best efforts, he would overhear their conversations about how therapeutic it felt to kill shadows or admiring their costumes (Ann just doesn't understand how stylish they are), so his work was far from over.

* * *

While Ren stalked, no observed, Haru, he managed to get some glimpses past her quiet, polite persona. It was difficult considering how she kept to herself and tried to avoid others as much as possible (The perfect excuse for a spy), but from their experiences combing through her father's palace (which was such a pain. Like the UFO puzzle? Sadism definitely runs in that family. Ren just wanted to steal his heart to get it over with) and gardening on the roof, Haru seemed to open up to Ren. They even had Sojiro sample some of her plants once. She was really dedicated to gardening, it almost reminded Ren of Yusuke, if less obsessive. But there was a gentleness when she handled them, it was hypnotizing. It almost made Ren forget what he was there for, and just hang out with her for a bit.

Thankfully the spell snapped pretty quickly, probably thanks to his amazing Phantom Thieves skills, or due to him deciding that plants are stupid after he accidentally cut himself on the equipment.

Haru freaked out when Ren tried sucking on the cut on his finger, insisting that he go to the nurse. Ren might have considered it kind if she hadn't almost killed him by pushing him down the stairs. Luckily he caught himself, but he would be on the watch for future assassination attempts from the beauty thief. Haru must have noticed that Ren was on guard, since she cooled down the homicide attempts after that, or had gotten much better, since Ren wasn't in much danger after that (If you don't count the shadows). She also apologized profusely after that incident, possibly to make him lower his guard.

Although because he spent too much time on guard, Ren didn't notice that his target and her target had gotten closer. Ren only noticed when he saw Ryuji and Haru walk to school together. Ren could have sworn that Haru usually rode a limo to school and he was pretty sure those two lived no where near each other. Ren would've interrupted the two, but something stopped him, probably the realization of how awkward it would be to get between the two. Which made him question why he would think it would be awkward.

Ren also noticed some other changes, such as the fact that those two would always sit next to each other in the Monamobile. And from what Ren could overhear from the two, when he wasn't trying to ram a shadow with his cat, they had gotten closer. There was this one time when Ryuji yodeled badly, like he had done many times before, and instead of someone chiding him, Haru actually joined him. There were others times he noticed something too, like how Ryuji mentioned giving Haru cup ramen for the first time. There were those times when Ryuji asked a ridiculous hypothetical, and instead of being greeted with groans, Haru would answer with sincerity (or as sincere as a spy could be). Maybe it was around when they were arguing about soda versus tea that Ren realized that he could hear the sound of chains somewhere nearby. It would explain why Makoto basically yanked the wheel out of his hands. Also why everyone was yelling at him. Except for Ryuji and Haru, who seemed as oblivious as Ren was. He privately thought that they should have more self awareness.

Ryuji wasn't much better outside of Mementos either, considering he almost walked into the street pole earlier (To Morgana's laughter). He was always distracted whenever he and Ren hung out, sometimes smiling weirdly for no reason. He almost went an entire day without arguing with Morgana, so obviously Ren was worried, but he knew it wasn't anything serious. If it was an important secret, Ryuji probably would've blurted it out. Probably in public. But nope, Ryuji was just out of it for some reason.

But this change wasn't limited to languidness, since Ryuji was acting strangely too, like that one time Ryuji wondered if he should take up gardening. This caught Ren off guard since gardening required a certain zen, and Ryuji most certainly did not have that. Weirdly enough, Ryuji had one of Haru's beginner bean sprouts in his room.

Ren suspected Haru.

To be fair, he always suspected Haru recently. There was even that one time he stubbed his toe, and since Haru had texted him before it happened, he claimed it was part of her plan. But in his defense, Ryuji would sometimes bring up Haru, usually something they did together, but most of the time just something she did, in their conversations, so Ren wasn't completely unjustified. He was wrong, however, since Haru did not drug Ryuji.

It was most definitely Haru's fault, but not for the reason Ren thought.

* * *

After stealing Mr. Okumura's heart, and waiting for his press conference, Ren's suspicions died down a little. Although he wasn't sure what Haru wanted with his best friend, he could tell she wasn't trying to sabotage the team, like he initially thought. she meshed well with the team, and there was that one time, when a teacher was berating Ryuji for dying his hair, and Haru mentioned that she liked it. The teacher didn't seem to care, but it cause the two students to become speechless and flustered. Ryuji being dumbstruck, Ren understood, since people didn't usually stick up for him, but he couldn't understand why Haru acted all awkward after her Pulitzer worthy line. If it was Ren, he would've ridden that high all day long. Probably brag to Ann about it or something.

Also she also wanted to run a cafe in the future, and Ren couldn't bring himself to believe that someone who wanted to follow in the footsteps of his coffee dad could be that bad.

But he was still worried.

She got a little bit too much glee from swinging that axe of hers, which unnerved the rest of the Phantom Thieves including the paranoid Ren. Or how there was that one time, when Haru had tricked Ren into carrying heavy fertilizer bags up multiple flights of stairs. While they were climbing to get to roof, they had run into some track team members, who were talking about the "track traitor", and Haru gave them a stare that could kill. Ren didn't know what ended up happening since he decided to book it before he witnessed a homicide.

Ren was pretty sure she was a trained assassin. According to his logic, Batman used his money to travel around the world, to gain the skills he needed to protect Gotham. Ren was pretty sure Haru did that, but got the skills to slowly and painfully end those who wronged her.

And Ren was pretty sure he knew who her current target was.

He finally understood why she was targeting Ryuji now. Ryuji must have done something to make her hate him, Ren mused that it wasn't impossible. Ryuji somehow managed to bicker with every member of the team, although they usually didn't mean it. Haru must have misunderstood one of those moments and decided the insult would be repaid in blood. Ryuji might be a jerk, but he had a heart of gold, and Ren was determined to protect him.

Haru had remarked that Ryuji could be crude some times, but Ren didn't think she thought any less of Ryuji for it. The possibility that she was a very good actor came to Ren's mind to explain that hole in his logic. And Ren couldn't think of a specific time the two squabbled. Maybe it was about their tea versus soda debate. Ren always knew Ryuji's love of soda would be his end, but Ren thought it would be from diabetes.

Privately, Ren thought that whatever the reason was, Ryuji should have redeemed himself by now. According to the blonde, they had run into Haru's asshole fiancé, and he stood up for Haru. Maybe she was mad because she already had some elaborate torture planned out for the guy and Ryuji messed it up.

Ren decided to change that guy's heart before he did something to push Haru over the edge.

But it wasn't as if that earned no brownie points in the sociopath's book, since when Ren pointed out the new sweet potatoes in her garden, Haru informed him that it was Ryuji's idea. She then gushed about how brave and confident Ryuji was, and how she wanted to be more like him, and how she was grateful for his help.

Probably a ruse to get Ren off her case, but he wouldn't fall for that.

There was some good news: Haru was off her game.

The same thing that had affected Ryuji for the past few weeks had infected Haru, who would stare listlessly at nothing while gardening. This was unfortunate since Ren didn't have her patience, and really needed to talk to someone to distract himself. And Morgana refused to come with Ren on these outings since they were too boring for him, so Ren just stood there in silence. Ren needed the company of people, even if he suspected them to be a serial killer. And sometimes she would smile to herself when they Ryuji would wave to them from the courtyard, if he saw them. Probably thinking about her next murder, Ren deduced. (But not like a detective, since he wasn't a detective.)

Ren was worried about his best friend, since even if Haru was off her (murderous) game, she was still the scariest phantom thief. (And that included Makoto! She beats shadows down with her fists! Her fists!)

And Ren wasn't the only one to notice this change in the two.

They were both getting distracted by something, not that Ren could figure out what it was because he was fighting for his life. Ren had a feeling that Ann knew what was up, considering she kept teasing Ryuji in the Monamobile, but when he asked, she decided to blue ball him.

She would be on front lines for a bit because of her leader's pettiness.

Makoto tried to get Haru back into fighting shape, but decided that it couldn't be helped after having a private conversation with Haru one day. Haru must have shared some secret with Makoto, but Ren couldn't figure it out for the life of him.

But Ren knew that something was up, considering that Ryuji and Haru decided to sit apart for some reason. And whenever they got too close to each other, they would blush, probably due to being uncomfortable. Ren saw this, and decided to separate them, since they obviously didn't want to be near each other. For obvious reasons that weren't clear to him, there was a chorus of objections to his plan, including from the two he tried to help.

It's safe to say that Ren, despite his perceptiveness, can be a little dense on his friends' relationships. He had once made the mistake of thinking that Yusuke and Ann would be a good couple, which resulted in a good amount of ridicule from both parties, well mostly Ann. But in Ren's defense, Yusuke had asked to paint her nude, which according to Titanic, his bible for romantic relationships, was an act that only the most intimate of couple dared attempt. Anyways, following that disaster, Ren decided to keep any opinions he had to himself, but to be honest, they were usually wrong.

* * *

Obviously Ren was concerned about Haru after her father's death, but he was also very scared since she might become Batman (suddenly a rich orphan) and it looked like he and his friends just killed her only living family member.

So when she texted them that she didn't blame them he could finally breathe.

He completely understood wanting some time to herself, and felt a little relieved because, as said before, she scares him. He would've been planning what to do after, such as figuring out why Mr. Okumura suffered a mental shutdown, but he had another crisis to deal with.

Ryuji was a complete wreck, always worrying about their good friend Haru. Ren knew that Ryuji was very empathetic towards his friends, so any pain felt by his good friend Haru would obviously bother him. But texting Ren to speculate about Haru's well being in the middle of the night is a bit excessive. And a little dangerous since Morgana almost noticed he was awake.

So while Ren was happy when Haru returned, with more conviction then ever, he also knew that Ryuji was back in action. And back in action he was. He seemed happier and he walked a spring in his step. Ryuji's smile when he saw his good friend Haru was almost infectious. Ann agreed, since she started to tease the poor guy, but it seemed like he didn't even notice. He was at the beauty thief's side the entire time, trying to tell her stupid jokes, which she laughed at, probably out of politeness, Ren guessed.

Haru didn't seem to mind the attention all that much though.

* * *

Because Ren had to deal with the stress of being one of the infamous phantom thieves, he had become careless with Haru.

One day, he somehow ended up accompanying her to stand up to her board president, and he wasn't sure how that happened. Somehow his social rank reached 10, but he usually had to change someone's heart in Mementos. He later figured it was when they changed her fiancé's heart. She and Ryuji were very insistent on that one, not that Ren had anything to do with that asshole fiancé. (Ren didn't even bother to remember his name, which might have been an issue for a calling card.)

So he felt like his bond with Haru had deepened, but what he didn't realize was that she was slowly getting him to spill information on his best friend.

By the time Ren realized it, he had already spilled the fact that Ryuji was secretly a mama's boy, that Ryuji was single, and what he liked in a girl (It's being a girl). Ren could only tremble in horror as he wondered to what nefarious purposes the information would serve.

It seemed like whatever plot she had was already working too, since the normally upbeat Ryuji suddenly fell victim to his inferiority complex. Usually this only occurred when he was thinking about his past mistakes. Things like: disappointing his mom, giving into his anger, getting the track team disbanded, etc. Although Ren didn't actually consider any of those to be Ryuji's fault.

It got so bad that one time Ryuji ran his hand through his hair and wondered aloud if he should dye it black, since he didn't want to seem like a delinquent anymore. Ryuji immediately reassured Ren that he wouldn't when Ren started to freak out because being blonde was an essential component of Ryuji. Also Ren was worried that the delinquent persona was literally what Ryuji used to fight shadows, but it was mostly the first thing for Ren. Ren made sure that Ryuji knew that none of their friends thought less of him for it.

Haru was listless most of the time though, which was good, since that was how she was before. But one time, she almost over-watered the plants, which she never does. When Ren pointed it out, she just started to mumble about how she wished she had more confidence like Ren, since apparently telling her was apparently the mark of a leader. To be fair, it does take a good amount of guts (He maxed it) to correct someone in their field of expertise. Anyways, he made sure to let her know that she should hold her head high, since she was awesome. Ren wouldn't drop it until he got her to shout that she was the best from the rooftop, students listening be damned.

Haru might be a murderous psychopath, but she was his friend, so he couldn't let her suffer from self confidence issues. Ren wanted her to slay knowing she was the best. Not Ryuji though.

Somehow, Ren solved a lot of problems by giving his friends advice. Those blank stares from Ryuji and Hary were replaced with fiery gazes of resolve, and they even managed to solve that uncomfortable feeling between them.

They had gotten really close after that talk too. Haru would sometimes sit on Ryuji's lap when they all hung out, and Ryuji would let her lean into him when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Ren personally thought that they were getting a bit too close. He was worried that Haru might be trying to steal his best friend, considering the most Ren ever got from Ryuji was an elbow leaning on his shoulder when they opened chests in Palaces. Maybe Ren should sit on Ryuji's lap, he figured.

Ryuji and Haru had thanked him personally, which was weird since they did it together. Ann even clapped him on the back and told him he did a good job. Makoto even gave him an approving nod. Ren didn't really know what he did, but he would take it. It was like that time when the reaper died during the pollen season. He might not have done anything, but he'd take the XP.

* * *

Ren felt like he might have been a bit oblivious to Haru and Ryuji's relationship, but to be fair, he was being blackmailed by his arch-enemy.

He realized that maybe people who were just friends didn't sneak kisses when they thought he wasn't looking or shout that they loved the other from onstage at the culture festival.

But he felt like he didn't deserve Makoto and Ann looking at him like an idiot when he mentioned what Haru and Ryuji were close. He was even more confused when they insisted that he was the reason they got together, since he thinks he would remember something like that. Even Morgana felt the second hand shame.

To be fair, he really should have known when Ryuji had to leave him earlier, acting all smug because he was apparently going on a date with Haru. But Ryuji with a girlfriend was an idea as foreign to Ren as Ryuji with black hair, so Ren didn't think much of it at the time. That was probably his bad.

It didn't stop him from feeling all warm and fuzzy when he saw the two flirting, with Haru being strangely forward and Ryuji just looking glad that she was happy.

Although Ren did feel a little justified in his initial distrust of Haru, since she ended up stealing Ryuji's heart.

* * *

Sae groaned at the terrible pun Ren made about his friends' relationship. She didn't understand why he spent so much time on that part of the story, considering time wasn't a luxury they had, but she felt like she did gain some valuable information: The leader of the Phantom Thieves, that caused her team so much grief, was an idiot.


End file.
